How to take a power/threshold/LT/zone test

Ingredients:

1. Water.

2. Required music: Punkrocker by Teddybears featuring Iggy Pop.

3. Optional music: The Fire And Flames by DragonForce, Dance Dream (Lady Gaga vs. Eurythmics) by Divide and Kreate, I'm not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You by Black Kids, or anything by Silversun Pickups.

4. An empty 2-gallon or larger bucket.

5. Cheerleaders, hecklers, supporters and mourners.

6. A stationary trainer, bicycle, and some form of measuring effort (HRM, SRM, or Powertap)

7. Cytomax, Endurox, Recoverite, Bell's Oberon Ale, or Nesquick (chocolate).

Instructions:

1. Warm up on the bicycle approximately 10-15 minutes at a moderate pace. Be sure to hydrate. Place ingredient 4 on the ground behind the vertical plane of the handlebars, but in front of the range of the cranks.

2. Complete 1-2 warm-up sprints to get cardiovascular system ready for the effort.

3. Spin 5 minutes. Cue ingredient 3.

4. Turn inside-out. Do not pop, bonk, puke, stop, or black out, but come as close as possible without doing so.

5. Spin for 15 minutes at recovery pace. Drink some water.

6. Turn inside-out. Do not pop, bonk, puke, stop, or black out, but come as close as possible without doing so. Closer than in first effort in step 4. With 10% of time remaining, cue ingredient 5.

7. Cue ingredient 3. Spin until symptoms listed in 4 and 6 have subsided.

8. Consume your choice of ingredient 7.